She chose to have a new “outside” about every year or so. That’s not the “correct” frequency” – it’s what she wanted. Correct is what feels right for the individual.
On another note, why do some readers think they know how much outside experience is “correct” or “allowable”? That’s ok. Some have a great appetite and need many partners on a regular basis and that’s ok too so long as the frequency does not imped on the relationship with their spouse. Don’t some people like to run into their 80’s and some never like to run? We don’t condem one group or the other.
If you and your spouse are in a strong, trusting, highly communicating relationship and not keeping secrets then what the two of you (you and your spouse not you and your outside partner) do needs to please you and not every other person on the planet
Individuals are – well – individual. Your ideas may be right for you – maybe only mobifriends for you (and yes I realize my ideas may not fit you, may not fit millions of you, but it may also fit millions of you.
Some people seem to feel it’s better to be sexually supressed and pretend that that’s a virtue. The problem with that is that the pretense eventually gets old and often (over 50% of the time according to statistics often cited by various studies) someone decides to have “outside” sex in a traditional marriage. The spouse finds out, or there develops a feeling of attachment (to help justify the sex) or a feeling of frustration with the spouse (again to help justify the sex)and impediments develop to the marriage.
My advice if never have sex, never have non-sexual intimate relationships unless you feel very, very connected to your spouse. That’s a recipe for disaster. When you’re not feeling connected to your spouse, then is the time to work on re-establishing that connectedness. Once you’re reconnected then you can let youself have fun “outside” – not in secrecy.
For many in traditonal marriages, it goes exactly the opposite – No outside sex when you feel connected to your spouse and then outside sex when you don’t feel connected
1) Some men are simply bi-curious, and this is a way to get some physical contact with a man without actually taking a direct step towards bi-sexuality.
3) Some men are deathly afraid, and some are convinced, that their wives/girlfriends will eventually cheat on them. They wish to “control” as much as they can of the cheating. Typically men will lay down some ground rules, that can’t be broken, and that the wife agrees to abide by, which if followed allow sex, but attempt to limit emotional connections in these “affairs”.
4) Many men wish for their wives to be the consummate prude in public, but a total whore in the bedroom. In allowing a wife to cheat, and her doing so, in the sight of her husband or at least with his knowing ahead of time, is simply the height of being a whore.
5) Some men become bored with the sexual relationship, and indeed, are allowing the wife to “cheat” which will make their effort towards a swinging lifestyle easier to broach with the unsuspecting wife.
6) Some men are masochists, and enjoy the pain and humiliation that comes from the knowledge that their wives have been unfaithful.
7) Some men wonder if they are large enough to fulfill their wives (many men have this insecurity) and wonder how differently their wives will behave with a far larger and physically more attractive partner.